Treading Water

I'm done.

That's pretty much it... I wanted to write about what was going on in my mind; my general musings and whatnot and, right now, that is all that is on my mind. 

I'm done with everything. 

I'm done with working, done with where I live, done with the people I know and done with the utter crap this life seems to be offering me.

I want a change. I need a change. And I'm not talking just a change of scene for a couple of weeks but a complete life overhaul. A move to the other side of the planet, full of people I don't know, places I've never been - places I can get lost in.

That's the problem with this cit,  I find. I can't get lost in it. Believe me, I have tried. I can see the water from my bedroom window and it only takes about an hour to walk to. I walked around for three hours trying to get lost and I just couldn't. When you recognise everything you see, you know you've got to get out. What's funny is that my sense of direction is utterly crap but this city wouldn't lose me, not for a moment.

I want different people; different cultures who I can learn from and who see things a totally different way from the way they're seen here. Here, every tiny petty thing is blown completely out of proporiton. I do it myself sometimes but it seems to be the culture here that there has to be a drama going on at all times. I am one of the only people I know that doesn't thrive off drama - it's irritating and has become something that has made me realise how I don't really belong here anymore. 

What's worse is the fact that, because everything petty is so focused on, people lose sight of what really is important. I don't think that people in other countries, say Africa or India, have the same idea about what's important and what many people go through there should really put our own lives in perspective, but it doesn't. Why is that? Is it because people are too self-obsessed here? Possibly. I frequently find myself thinking of myself rather than the greater good but I think it's more because we are in our own little bubble here. Our bubble of happiness, safety and security that isn't present in many other places. It is in these other places that people actually have to survive, something I think we've forgotten how to do here simply because everything is handed to us on a platter (whether it is silver or not is another issue).

I feel like I have been in a sort of limbo for quite a while now... 7 or 8 months to be precise actually. It's just like I'm treading water in the baby pool and waiting to get my turn in the adult pool. I'm getting tired of treading water all the time; it's really boring and it doesn't actually have much of a point to be perfectly honest. That's the feeling I'm getting right now and I am so ready to just move on and get out in the big bad world. I don't even mind that it is a bad world, it's at least much more interesting than the one I'm floating about in at the moment. I want to really live and the worst thing is is that I feel that I'm waiting for my real life to begin. That has to be one of the worst feelings in the world because it makes everything you do feel like a waste - you've only got one chance and, right now, I'm not taking it. Not exactly the most cheerful of thoughts.

I'll get out though. That's the thing, less than a year and I will be out of here - riding away on my magic carpet to some bright, new colourful land. I'll get out of this perpetual smog and the world will be a kaleidoscope of colour and excitement. Yeah, maybe I'm kidding myself with that image there.. but I will get out. Believe me.